Fit Won’t Fix

Regardless of where I stand now, one of my greatest achievements has been a body that I could be proud of. I spent countless hours in a gym, critiqued my diet, and kept my vision STRONG. It was probably the first thing in my life that I actually envisioned as a dream goal, and followed through. I built a physique that I was amazingly proud of. Something that I’m still actually proud of.

But, what you see above is not what I look like today. It wasn’t because I gave up and it wasn’t because I didn’t have the resources; those have always been there. The change came from finding a new passion for powerlifting, dealing with injury and probably the most important reason, replacing a materialistic attitude with a more positive, purposeful one. I became less worried about how I looked, and more about how I felt.

Something to take of note though. These aren’t excuses for no longer being a ripped little hamster. I don’t get excuses. I would love to be built like this again. I could still look like this. However, my view on health became more in depth, and I found other goals that became more important than 6% body fat and amazing bicep peaks.

In my opinion, a problem the world has today is putting a pressure on everyone to be the best of everything. And even though a lot of us are capable of putting in that much work, we have to recognize the sacrifice we make for such things.

Having a physique built from 1000's of hours of hard work and a great diet also meant I had very little time for much else. And I don’t mean for happy things like being out with friends and having hobbies. Fitness made me happy. It definitely still does. What I mean is the sacrifice I made to build a more in-depth me; a confident and well rounded me. A body like this definitely built my confidence…but it did little more than making me feel like women were attracted to me and looking good naked.

Through my twenties I had major confidence issues. I couldn’t even give my input at work or have healthy debates with my friends, let alone flirt with women. So what good is the book cover, if there’s actually no content on the inside? I spent so many hours conditioning my exterior, my interior was dangerously brittle and timid. I lacked character. I held back anything that I thought might hurt someone else, or make me look weird or stupid.

My journey(and my body) changed when I found a new gym, which led me to powerlifting. Not only did my body change, my resilience to training changed, my respect for fitness, and my view of what healthy actually looked like. Powerlifting gave me a look into what proportional strength really was; full body strength.

I had never really learned to look inside myself and ask myself what else I needed. What would it take to get over my insecurities of being bad with women and feelings of being useless? What did I need as far as love from other people? How could I build healthy relationships? How could I actually start living a life I dreamed of? How could I finally decide to stop doing work I hated, and find something that made me feel connected to other people? How could I learn to love ME? All of these questions are things that never came to be, because I was so obsessed with getting all the THINGS that would make me feel loved and accepted by the people around me.

I figured that if I was pretty on the outside, had an expensive car, and my own home, then the woman I wanted would show up and that we would be so happy together. Guess what? That women came along…and life didn’t magically become full. None of the outside things made any difference to my happiness meter or my understanding of the world, or how to be committed in life or relationship.

External, tangible things don’t do much more than create a brittle image of what we want life to be. We can still have them, but an egg isn’t an egg without having a fucking yolk inside. A fulfilled life takes far more than the shiny flawless white shell.

You don’t need to be a perfect image of what the world says success is. Growth isn’t a checklist, it’s a connection with your most authentic self. If part of that is a beautiful physique, then so be it. I still want mine to be. But this time I want to do it from a healthy mind. One that isn’t doing it for admiration or acceptance from others. I want to build my body for me. I want to be healthy in my heart and mind too.

I’m not saying a goal shouldn’t be looking good naked. In truth, I think the best version of us lies in being well rounded humans. Meaning healthy body, mind, and soul. And so, if you have a HIGH PASSION for being physically elite, fucking GET IT! I applaud you. I loved it, and I still do. I have great respect for the work athletes put in to being model worthy. What matters to me though, as your friendly neighborhood hamster, is that you know why you do it and make sure you’re not forgetting your balance.

A physically dominant body can’t make up for a lagging mind. It takes mental commitment to achieve the physical body, but it doesn’t automatically mean that you’re successful everywhere else.

And if you do already have a great physical sexiness, check in.

Do you have some order in other aspects of your life? How healthy is your mental game? Do you love yourself? Do you have confidence in who you are? Can you communicate and love others? Are you giving value to the world in a way that makes you love life? Are you happy with who you are? Are you challenging yourself to be balanced? Are you confident and clear on your life trajectory?

I don’t look to shame you with the questions, only to get you to ponder; to check in with yourself. Our heart and soul and mind have just as much importance to be healthy as our bodies. Don’t forget them.

Question everything and stay rebel minded.

Loves my friends and fellow lifters.



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