Healing masculinity is no joke…
I don’t know who’s idea it was to make healing wounds and finding our authentic selves so abstract and diluted, but dude…that shit is messy.
And maybe it’s just me, but the journey we all take to self discovery and finding our purpose is GNARLY. It takes so much repetition and chipping away to really make a difference in our character.
I’ve found so many answers…whether it be by learning from my mentors or by reading about human behavior and psychology…that have guided me towards being the man that I’ve always dreamed of being. That one I’ve dreamt of being not just for myself, but for the women I love and for my family. It’s a lot easier to dream it than to live it. And the greatest leaps tend to be when you just really are fed up with your own bullshit.
Masculine traits are not inherent to me. My male role models were absent when I probably needed ‘em most. Yeah, I definitely struggled with male friendships and it REALLY affected my relationships with women…but healing was right around the corner.
What was/is weird though is that when I come across a challenge, my mind plays tricks on me. It tries to tell me to submit, to be reasonable, to be accommodating. And what I think I realized…like JUST realized…is that it’s still my wounded character showing back up.
It tells me to be cautious, to not give in too much; just to dip the toe in.
Why? Probably because it’s so uncomfortable. But, to really step into my masculine (or any other male out there struggling with a wounded/absent masculine) we have to dive in with trust. If we’re built off a higher reverberating beat that is feminine-empathetic, compassionate, accepting-then we can step in confidently knowing we won’t be harmful in our masculine. I think we’re really afraid we’ll inflict harm if we try something new.
We have to learn to flow between these two energies(masculine and feminine)fluidly and completely. We have to learn that they both have their place, and we can learn to use both from a healthy POV.
The masculine will give us power to act. It will give us the ability to step forward courageously. It will also give us the chance to say IDGAF what others think without retreating into doubt and fear. And this is where I think we may have the hardest time. Saying fuck it and IDGAF doesn’t mean we look to harm others or be aggressive. To me, I think it means we are capable of holding up emotional and physical boundaries to save our own energy and to keep our focus.
I’ve always been so accommodating and empathetic to others. I’ve always tried to be sensitive and tend to other’s needs…but it has exhausted me. Leaving me with no ability to be creative in my own space, or the energy to express it.
Now, I say far less things to other people. I tend to the FEW people that actually matter to me, and give me support as much as I give them. I remind myself that I’m not everyone’s fucking hero, and if I have enough strength and confidence in myself to be decisive and take action in my life, then the average joe should be able to as well.
I spent years asking other people, employers, family, and the rest of the world how to live my life…and life never got better. I was THAT guy. You know what that looks like to women? It’s not good, I can tell you that. Or I can ask my last two girlfriends to tell you…
The masculine…the healthy masculine is the part of you that is going to make decisions even if ends up taking you the wrong direction sometimes. The healthy masculine is the part of you that will step through fear and not beat around the bush. The healthy masculine is the part of you that will assess your experiences and rely on your built up wisdom to intuitively lead yourself and others.
Our masculine is courageous, foundational, has clear mission, is resilient enough to stand back up after failure and not give in to emotional distress, and tell everyone who doesn’t agree with you, or who tries to distract you or tear you down…to FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.
Even if you just turn away respectfully, and only say it in your head. Sometimes its the high road, sometimes it’s not.
Good luck to all the men out there trying to reclaim their masculinity or heal it. I’m with you brother.
Let’s do this.