How Ready Would You Be if You Died…Right Now?
Readers beware: I will state my position and thoughts about religion and the purpose of humankind. If you are easily destabilized by conflicting opinions on these topics…don’t fucking torture yourself. Find your next article.
I’m scared of death.
Not to death, of death…
That truth of finite life that leads to the infinite nothing that exists after it.
I’m afraid that my arrogant assumption of living to 120 years old will be stopped short by the abstract chances and reactivity the world follows through with on a daily basis.
A couple years ago, I read “How to Die” by the Stoic Philosopher, Seneca.
“It takes an entire lifetime to learn how to die”.
Note: No, no, no…I’m not an Amazon affiliate, and I get no financial gain for the link to this book…I just think you might like it.
I go into an existential crisis periodically.
‘Will I do everything I envision myself doing?’
‘Will I face my fear? Will I start living life rather than surviving it?’
‘Will the world take me from this place before I find my courage?’
‘Will I free my own soul? Will I finally see the world with different eyes?’
‘Will I ever make an impact that I can be proud of?’
‘Will I make it to a substantial end? And if I do, will I be able to die without regret??’
I can easily say that if I died right now, I’d have a very hard time accepting what is, what has been, and what hasn’t…
What I can’t stand is the idea of being at the end knowing there is nothing left ahead of me, and no way to turn back and try again.
I can almost exclusively give credit to my life’s motivation based on this fear.
There would be no remedy for the sadness caused by my timidity with life; no saving my heart from the grief and pain of realizing that I didn’t dance like I wanted to, love as hard as I could have, and screamed from the…