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I Hate What Women Want in a Man

But is it fair to hold up a standard that benefits yourself and takes away someone else’s preferences?

Zackary Henson
7 min readJul 1, 2022


What did I expect? That all tall women(which is most of them to me) should give me a fair chance because I was stuck with less than ideal genetics?

You pompous asshole…

My fucked up perception was that just because women were the ‘open-minded’ sex when it came to attraction, that I was owed more of a chance and more of a leniency of what I looked like. And when it didn’t come as I expected, I held it against them.

There are a lot of reasons for all of us to be upset with the way things are. It’s part of the human condition. We’re never fully satisfied. And I don’t think its a spiritual guru thing. I think it is a call from our evolutionary success to always be looking for new challenge and something to overcome.

Even in the multi-faceted forms of attraction.

Unfortunately, it seems like society has painted some sort of weird picture that makes us think whatever is off, must be wrong; that whatever is unfair, should be compensated…or maybe it’s inherent?

The world isn’t fair…but it never really was, and that’s not going to change. It can’t…because progress relies on suffering and adaptability.

People suck, evil exists, and physical desire comes in forms that cheats us all except for the most ‘optimal’ versions of humans. You know…the perfectly symmetrical, flawless humans that you can’t help but stare at? Damn those beautiful motherfuckers… ;)

But even optimal beauty comes at a cost…so don’t think that it’s everything.

And you do know that attraction goes far beyond what the eye can see, right?

To be honest, I spent a lot of time being mad about certain things, but hiding it as if I didn’t care.

I hated that I was 5'3".

I hated that women never longingly looked at me.

I hated that women looked past me(or over. hehe)

I hated that women couldn’t see my heart.

I hated that physical attraction stood in the way of knowing my character.

I hated that women wanted everything big, strong, and fearless.

I hated knowing that I’ve had far fewer dating and relationship experiences because of the first impressions and assumptions.

I hated that women would always judge me by my stature before anything else.

And every once in awhile I’ll get a ping of this pain from the past…

I’ve never had short man’s syndrome, or whatever that ridiculous compensatory attitude and behavior is. Yeah, I felt great when I had fancy things. They definitely got me more looks, but probably only because it reflected money and/or status or some “hot factor”.

And at the finally maturing age of 28, I decided that my worth to women and their attraction to me had to come from my own self-worth, and less from the simple and superficial version of me.

So I sold my identity, quite literally. Everything I thought I was:

My $30k Subaru WRX…gone. My two year old three bedroom first home…gone. My pristine green machine Ninja ZX6R street rocket…gone. Even my obsession with being at a consistent 7–8% body fat eventually changed.

I knew what this meant for my future…and I didn’t.

I knew that it meant down-sizing, less ‘things’ to worry about, less financial strain. I knew that it meant moving into an apartment with a roommate, never having any real solitude, and having more patience with neighbors and rental management. I knew that it meant more freedom and time to find out who I was and what I wanted my life to look like. I knew that it meant I could eventually leave my old identity and the exhaustion of faking it behind.

What I didn’t realize that hit me the hardest, was that I would struggle constantly taking on new things. That for me to rid myself of being a tradesmen, it would mean trying and failing…a lot. It would mean questioning my journey and my ability to find success, constantly. It would mean getting sick to my stomach — by spending a fuck ton of my savings that I’d gained from my house and car — on products, on business investment, even to pay rent on several months. I didn’t know that it would mean that I’d be so fucking timid and half-ass so many of my endeavors because I was afraid and afraid of being judged. I didn’t know that I would stress, doubt, and change directions like mad just grasping for some sort of truth.

What I didn’t realize is that through all of this I would gain what I really needed in order to be confident about myself and know what it meant to have substance and something worthy of attraction.

Things almost never come the way you think they will…but if you continue to push through dark corners — one’s that you legitimately think you may never recover from — you’ll become a more densely compiled and more confident individual, regardless of if it was the version you dreamed of being or not.

I think what we grow into is even far better than what we first imagined ourselves to be.

The facts that are true that most men get upset about are the evolutionary standards that are an undeniable influence in our attractions to each other.

Tall, dark and handsome isn’t just a superficial attraction…though annoying.

There’s far more to it. It’s deeper and more engrained than we want to admit…because humans don’t like to not have control.

  • Almost all women will look for men that are taller than them and larger than them. It makes women feel inherently safe, and also makes them feel more feminine. Just because there’s no dire survival standards anymore doesn’t mean we are evolved out of such instinct.
  • Still today, the ability to protect and keep a woman safe is a very real thing. But now its the ability to protect her from other humans, to keep her and the family safe financially, and the ability to maintain security. The instinctive attraction and trust is the same, the standards have just changed.

But, there’s SO MUCH that you can control.

I accept things for what they are. I can’t change my stature and I can’t change my face…

But I can change my place in the hierarchy of men. I can build my body to be strong and capable. I can turn myself into a successful high status man, and I can build my influence and confidence in a way that offset what my genetics take away from my ability to attract mates.

I can love my life.

I can move it in a direction that suits me. I can find the truth in what it means to be an American with freedom and liberty and opportunity. I can tap into creativity that I never thought I had, build things I never thought I could, and stop victimizing my own life just because I was never taught another mindset.

What reason is there to be upset about things you cannot change?

Even men are susceptible to a victim mentality…but I don’t have time for that shit, and most maturing men and wise men will find the same understanding.

That’s why, in my own personal theory, we have so many men that are basically boys that think they are adults just because of their ability to pay their own bills. There are many men that are too upset about what they don’t have and why they don’t attract women, rather than understanding what is malleable, and the power they have to change the game just by way of their character, the work to becoming an adaptable man, and the wisdom of being emotionally and mentally diverse and powerful.

I will always be able to mold myself into an attractive human that has so much more potential than just what women see on the outside.

I’m not going to lie on dating apps, I won’t wear boots to gain 1/2", and I won’t compensate myself with superficial bullshit just to become less alone. I’ll do what I’ve consistently done and build myself in a way that proves that I’m still a good choice for women.

Optimistic perspective:

If anything, being short just weeds out all of the women that have an insecurity about it. And so what if they do? Sometimes dating isn’t just about how we miss the mark on what people want…sometimes it’s just preferences, and that’s okay. We all have them.

Don’t be afraid to be the best of who you are. You’ll attract the right person with the right attitude. You only have to SHOW yourself.

FYI, a perk to attracting women:

They initially see more of the heart and soul than men do. They’ll pick up on how you offset any physical ‘disadvantages’. On average, they have a far better ability to ‘see’ and feel who you are, regardless of your words. They’re not blind to physical attraction, but more often than not, your character and your drive and your diversity of self, will very easily offset what you think you physically don’t have.

Things you can change to improve your attractiveness:

  • Physical health and ability
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Confidence and passion for life
  • Communication skills
  • Status and influence in your work and success(preferably not based on money)

Yeah, physical appearance matters. But when are you going to stop being upset about what women aren’t attracted to, and start working your ass off about other things that they are?

Genetics, physical stature, build…it’s actually the tiniest sliver of uncontrollable asset that drives attraction. Which by the way is still semi-malleable. Everything else is SO flexible and capable of being leveled up.

There’s more to us gentlemen.

You get to decide whether or not you see it and take advantage of it.

Wake the fuck up.



Zackary Henson

Writer who questions everything. Self, Behavior, Perspective, Connection. Truth and love.