Mature Men…what stands in our way.
PART 1 of 2
I’ve read a lot of articles and blogs, listened to reels and tik-toks, and had discussions with a handful of female friends that talk about the scarcity of good men.
While I definitely think that the majority of the scarcity is based on your own mindset and actions/reactions to the world…i.e. who are the men you’re attracting, are the things you look for in a man superficial or too much fantasy, how open is your heart and your energy to the men that are in your environment…there IS an alarming rate of truth to there being “good men” to choose from.
Now, there are a lot of reasons why us men might fall short of a standard that is upheld by women, but it gets super complex and cloudy in how men and women see partnership, and how much we don’t realize where we miss the point of dating and relationships in the first place. So, let’s stick to what we can actually do as men to fit the role of a “man” in the first place. Because to me, it’s not about all the things you accumulate as a man, it’s about how mature you are in how you handle the world around you, and even more so your role in it.
What stands in our way…
The truth is, there are a few outstanding things that stand in our way to really becoming men:
- skyrocketing rate of more boys without fathers in America.
- extreme feminism and accommodating culture shaming and berating boys and men for men’s “history”
- lack of solid transition into manhood, i.e. spiritual and physical initiation
- very little education on masculinity/femininity, self-love, healthy expression
- a culture confusing boys and men on the definition of success
I’ll lay these out one at a time. The base line issue:
- men without fathers or good male role models have no one to test their ability, to challenge their intentions, to teach pride and direction. Boys have nothing to relate their own self discovery after. This leaves boys being indecisive, to being timid, to being people-pleasers and pushovers, and keeps them from experiencing and understanding the importance of the masculine: to have direction, to have fortitude, to welcome challenge,to be adaptive, to know the risk of endeavors, to find confidence in overwhelming odds, to step out as an individual rather than stay within the crowd, etc.
- More power and equality for women has leveled the field more than ever before…but extreme feminism has take that same power and used it as a retaliation for the suppression and pain against women. Discussion of the past has emphasized the pain and issue, rather than finding solution. In doing so, men are now questioning masculinity. Whether that means labeling masculinity as “toxic”, or suppressing it in order to be more feminine. Only problem is, we lose balance. Feminine does not attract feminine. Magnetism is only create among equal poles…
- The lack of initiation in our culture has been detrimental to boys. Graduating high school or getting our first job is a little soft in proving our worthiness. Without a clear test, the questioning of the label as “man” has become ever present. Boys rather than holding pride for who and what they are because they have shown resilience and overcome a “challenge” due to initiation rituals, they start mentally encapsulate their insecurities and flaws that become a constant reminder of their “lack of”, rather than accepting these flaws that all of us have, as human. Boys grow into men trying to cover who they are and faking perfection in order to be accepted.
- This goes across the board for both sexes, but for men the lack of education and nurturing superficial ideas of what manhood actually looks like, leaves very little for interpretation, as well as far too much suppression of what is natural to ALL humans. Boys need to have emotions, yet parents are telling them not to. They need to know what emotions mean, how to assess them, and even how to respond with them. Suppression of them is never the answer. It is a huge part of unhealthy aggression, outbursts, violence and relationship instability…let alone healthy mentality.
- When boys having confusion of identity due to the issues stated above, then comes along a society full of materialism, overbearing sexuality, and ‘money equals success’ attitude. Offering this blueprint, which most boys fall into this scheme. Instead of chasing passion, purpose and internal value, boys grow into men seeking the things with the easiest ROI. The external status and success validates their existence more than the internal satisfaction of the self and authentic self expression.
DISCLAIMER: I’m not a professional of any sort, medical or psychology. This is all opinion and perspective. It’s only in me to point out the things that truly stand in our way that I’ve noticed. The things that most of us want to ignore. I truly believe the world is a beautiful place with so much opportunity, freedom, and liberty. But, there is a fuck ton of suffering done because of how we treat each other, how we use each other, and how instead of sharing our wisdom, we sometimes use it to gain more for ourselves then for others.
Also, the lack of fathers isn’t anyone’s fault, but it’s our responsibility to do something about it. Feminism is beautiful and is creating so much new balance, but any extreme of anything eventually becomes toxic and deconstructive. Our education system is not the worst, but it’s not the best. We definitely need more emphasis on the wisdom of being deep, whole, self-loving and loving humans. All the external stuff becomes far easier when we do. And lastly, we have such a great potential in our society to gain and become whatever we want…but it’s been fucking misleading and a destructive of people’s time on Earth.
Although I would love to write much more on this subject, the point is that we have many things that stand in the way of very good men. MATURE men. Something I will definitely have to work on defining in the next post.
The fact is, most men today are trying their asses off to be good men. But, how can they when they have so much discouragement, undealt with pain, and very few men to lead the way for them?
How can I say any of this? Firstly, because I just can…freedom of expression am I right? Secondly, I’ve experienced all of this firsthand. My experiences in life have been mostly made by the lack of definition of what man really was. I was floundering through life. I was impulsive. I reached for anything that was indulgent or anything that made others happy with me, even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness.
To my fellow man, you are capable. I promise. Men, when understanding and loving yourself well enough…we have a superpower that is among all things, life altering. Men have a natural ability to look beyond risk and terrible odds, and forge forward. In to battle we stride. And our success comes by the power of the weapons and armor we take in with us…but even with little equipment, we can manage victory. It’s fucking mind-blowing.
Don’t give up. We have such amazing work to do. I’ll get back to you in part 2.
Let’s do this…